UPS and their DIRTY LIES

I've been watching UPS like a starving rhino watches a budding dandelion ever since UPS gave me a tracking number to follow this fabulous bag on it's way to me:



It's supposed to arrive Wednesday. I was trembling in excitement, which was NOT caused by the 3 cups of coffee I'd had in the hour since I woke up.

UPS does not track during the weekends. Which is stupid and ridiculous. So as soon as I was mobile enough to bang on my keyboard, I frantically pulled up UPS to see where my fabulous bag was. I am DESPERATELY hoping it will arrive early --- simply because I want to GET IT EARLY AND BECAUSE WEDNESDAY IS AS FAR AWAY AS CHRISTMAS.

So I happily pull up UPS and to my horror, see this message:

WHAAAAAAAAAT? A weather delay!????? Isn't that EXACTLY what the postman's slogan is for?

 "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

Yes, yes yes!! I demand swift completion of the appointed round to my house!

So then I get sneaky and pull up weather channel.
Which is when I reached the startling conclusion:
UPS TELLS DIRTY LIES!

SEE????
The weather in Tempe, Arizona is FAIRLY WONDERFUL. There is even a checkmark to solidify it's wonderfulness.
I even looked for this afternoon ... in case a typhoon or an Arizona-imploding alien arrival was scheduled. Nope, and nope. It's supposed to be EXTRA WONDERFUL this afternoon, as noted by the double checkmarks. 72 degrees and SUNNY.

I have some ideas about the "adverse conditions" and the current state of the driver carrying my precious package. They all involve a lawnchair and some tanning oil.

Even pushing aside all that, UPS LIES!
UPS. Yeah. That's basically the Government saying "yeah, we tell you crap to make you believe there's really an alien invasion happening in Arizona when really we just want to drink magaritas and get our bums tan" which is just ludicrous when you think how trustworthy the Governement is.

What's next??
You're going to tell me that The Easter Bunny isn't real?
That Jesus wasn't really born on Christmas Day??
That animals won't appear and help you clean your house if you have a good enough singing voice and have a waist the size of Cathie Jung's??? (I'm still working on the waist part and if you don't know who Cathie Jung is, go here: http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/human_body/extreme_bodies/smallest_waist_on_a_living_person.aspx )

These are the foundations of our lives you're messing with, UPS! *shakes fist*

EDIT: I have been informed that UPS is NOT government-run. Who woulda thought that one little letter discrepancy would make such a difference?? Either way, I'm *still* being told that it's delayed due to bad weather, and once again, Tempe, AZ is warm and sunny. I plan to call and complain!!!